next saturday is gonna be hell for me my friend i haven't seen in like a year is coming over for my birthday.i gained like 15lbs from my lowest weight. i feel like such a failure, how could i ever do something like that?i'm just a total fat ass and then after i go around eating like this i wonder why i'm single???its because i am a failure!like how do i exspect  someone to comit  to me when i won't even comit to myself  and not just any goal a goal i've wanted for years a goal many nights i cried myself to sleep over i wanna get to atleast 118 by June.failure is not an option.

mood: determined

i've been binging and puring for a month and a half now i gained 3 lbs =S...thank god for metabalism anyway turning a new leaf today well tomorrow its 11:30 pm right now just finished doing a mixture of sit ups and weight lifting .so yeah i'm gonna get back on track gonna i can't believe i was a pig for that long gonna go on the hit or miss it  fasting thing (its when you plan to fast everyday) so yeah gotta go to bed school tomorrow =) makes it easier to not eat ...love it!!! but people still call me fat after losing 55 lbs and my x bf is mad because i won't go back out with him and says i'll never lose all the weight off ...ya know i'm really starting to not like him now?hes the reason why i even became anorexic 3 years of him telling me how perfect other girls are and  imperfect i am he puts every girl on a pedestal and treats me like shit then has the nerve to say he loves me!!....but whatever....glad he lives in florida when i go back there next summer he'll see!!! i'm gonna be the girl of his dreams!!! gosh i sound like such a loser...but i'm tired of feeling in inadequate

i only had 60 cals so far don't wanna go over 100

anyway when i'm bout to eat something sugary i look at: http://i142.photobucket.com/albums/r89/darklove544/FatWomenTryingtogetpantson.jpg


after i see this candy bar goes in the trash